olivia's story.

so talking to my beloved* he seems to think that if i blog about olivia rose*s birth & what happened it'll help me cope with it (not that i didn't/haven't dealt with it okay but it will help me) so here it goes, i mean it took me a week to blog about her being born in general.

so olivia was 8 days late, we played a phone tag game with the doctor for four days. we would call check to see if we should head into the hospital to induce labor, unfortunately (well luckily really) the hospital was always busy. we went into the doctors office for a stress test on monday 11/23 to make sure that our lil peanut was comfy & happy in the belly still because they were going to have me wait until tuesday which would make it the 8 days late. after the checkup & stress test my doctor suggests going for a walk somewhere, that walking after the "checkups" could help begin the labor process even break my water. so we head to the cheesecake factory (i was hungry surprise), eat some dinner, and walk the burlington mall. we of course stumble into the lego store (snugglebutt has an obsession with legos) while actually forgetting the stress of being late, the soreness of carrying the extra 52 pounds, my phone rings. "hi this is winchester hospital come on in dr. millar wants to begin the induction tonight" oh snap! and by snap i really mean a cuss word but i'll leave it out here. scared crap-less & unfortunately packed ready to go (my beloved* was hoping the stress test or doctor was sending us to the hospital earlier) so we went right to the hospital. i personally love the fact i drove myself right up to the ER (entrance at night) and said okay valet park this bad boy see ya in two days with a baby.

get to the hospital, get upstairs, hooked up to all the machines & drink some nasty drink that will be hopefully begin the induction on my own and we "sleep" LoL woken up at 43oam to then have the medicine put in place to actually make things begin whether my body wants it to or not and then my water is broken at about 10a or 11a (my beloved* says i have no idea) now i had a few friends warn me about labor pains and they were brutally honest & scarred the crap out of me but it did no justice! the pain was unreal! even with the epidural the pain was unreal, i was told only pushing for an hour & a half for a first timer & for being induced i was lucky but during the hour & a half i did not feel lucky at all. my nurse mary, cutest older skinny lady who seemed to be right off the boat from ireland said i was seriously entertaining. i was bribing her to let me have a c-section, telling her that we didn't need to wait for the doctor what's a doctor really but a nurse with an extra piece of paper, & then when olivia rose* finally made her appearance i said & i quote from the best nurse mary funniest thing ever said at a babys' birth "she's a fcuking person" and of course did the typical new mom reaction; cried, smiled, kissed my beloved*.

and then this is when the story gets ugly. we were told before the pushing ever began that because olivia was "over-baked" the doctors term was, she had a "bowel movement" or meconium in the womb & they didn't want her to cry, for the fact she may swallow some of it & it wouldn't be good. so the doctor had the nicu (neonatal icu) in the room to help with making sure olivia was suctioned well so that didn't happen. well baby finally!! arrives & unfortunately the doctor cut the cord which wasn't part of my plan, i didn't get the from womb to chest mommy-baby bonding that i wanted & she tried to cry. so somehow i missed the fact that when she tried to cry she didn't become pink. the nicu staff immediately took olivia away from where i was and brought her to her little baby warmer bed which was right next to mine & they suctioned her. so my mom, my beloved* & i went on with the typical excitement because we were told the nicu staff would snag her & help her out to make sure that she got all the (literally) crap out of her way. well again i missed the blue but my beloved* said parts of olivia; her hands, lips, feet stayed blue & never went pink and she continued to try to cry. and apparently the nicu staff said that she wasn't breathing correctly on her own so they had to take her do to the nicu but olivia would be back. so we go on with the whole "finishing up" process and what felt like an eternity goes by, it was hours. olivia was born at 1.26p they took her away probably less than 5 minutes after that & about 2.30p or so we finally got news that olivia had to leave us & go to Children's Hospital immediately. one of the worst sentences that were said to us in the next 12 days. the poor woman told us about a million times what was wrong with olivia but all i heard was olivia needs to leave, she has a heart problem & i flashed back to when i was younger. my best friend/neighbor had a heart problem she had a HUGE scar on her chest, issues with her health all of the time, and had surgeries all the time & this was at age 8 so i was crushed. the nicu had to stabilize olivia and contact Children's, they promised that i would be able to see her before she left the building, yes i have yet to see her more than the moment of her leaving my womb. my beloved* got to go to the nicu to see olivia where they took some pictures of her for us, but because i was in "recovery" i couldn't move. and as much as we appreciate the pictures taken in the nicu at winchester they were the starriest pictures ever; olivia was in an incubator, hooked up to tubes/wires & looked so small. finally at around 6oop the nurse from nicu came into me & "prepped me" for my daughter's first visit; told me that she was coming in an incubator, she was hooked to tubes & moving very little (helped keep her comfortable with all the things going on) & there was a team of emergency guys from Children's, my beloved* got to go with them which i was SO thankful for. and olivia arrived! we were all instantly a mess, my little tiny peanut who had just been so snug & safe in my belly was in this huge incubator to help her breath! help her live! i was a mess. i am not a crier, softy, emotional, but this killed me. she wasn't there for more than 2 minutes if that & both her & my beloved* were off. luckily i had two aunts, an uncle, my mom, (my dad went with my beloved*), my best friend & a DEAR DEAR friend from work had just left (poor girl worked the overnight & spent all afternoon awaiting this little ladys' arrival) my fabulous nurse mary then tries to calm me, get me to realize i need to focus on me & my health, that my beloved* would take care of our little peanut & if i wanted to be discharged early to get to olivia i needed to focus, so i did. i was walking minutes later (not 2 or 3 minutes later), went to the bathroom (big step for those who don't know), & moved to the post-labor room. my aunt & mom stayed with me while i awaited my beloved*s phone call for information on olivia. finally about 1ooop my beloved* calls. olivia has congenital heart disease transposition of the greater arteries. yeah a lot of words meaning crap, i know. basically the two valves that bring oxygen into the heart we breathe in & turn it from blue (bad) to red ( good) were backwards so olivia was sending blue blood to her body & not red and she needed surgery to fix it! yeah. crushing. especially when my beloved* is in boston with our peanut & i am alone in winchester, miles away from them both. altho an hour later my beloved* walks in the door & sleeps with me, olivia was in another icu the fabulous man my beloved* is knew i wouldn't be able to handle this night alone came back. what seemed like the longest wait to be discharged i finally was about 2oop the next day (this is now wednesday the 25th, the day before thanksgiving).

we get to Children's, take the elevator to the 8th floor icu, walk down the hallway around the corner & to the end of the hallway my little peanut olivia is right there on the left. in a tiny bed with tubes, wires, iv's everywhere. i am told in more detail what is going on & that they plan on having the surgery on friday morning, at only three days old our lil peanut was going to have heart surgery to fix her valves to help her breathe & live a normal/fabulous life. wednesday & thursday all my beloved * & i did was sit by olivia's bed; our families did have us leave for about 2 hours on thanksgiving (thursday) but it was the worst thanksgiving ever. we walked into my beloved*s family house & i saw his sister/cousin i used to hang out with often & i was in tears, turned around & walked out of the house. after we composed ourselves we basically were furniture in the house the entire hour we were there. then onto my parent's house; my dad was already on his way to work, they had finished eating & had a gift for us. i am into precious moments & my parents/brother had gotten olivia a precious moments angel that says the "now i lay me down to sleep . . " prayer again a mess & in tears. of course that went right into olivia's bed once we got back to the hospital & hasn't left her bed since. thursday i don't think either one of us slept; we left olivia because our great nurse shauna had told us to go get some sleep at about 2ooam and went back about 5ooam to give olivia her first bath before surgery. that was so much fun and man did she hate it. the walk from olivia's room in icu to the area we say goodbye in the surgery area is the longest, most horrible, gut-wrenching, miserable walk ever. she went into surgery at 7ooam and we were told it was a 5-6 hour surgery. we had to wait in the waiting room for the surgeon about 15-20 minutes, thank god we did not wait there during the entire surgery because i would have died.

her surgery went perfect! the picture we have in our heads & actual photos from the day she came back from her surgery are scary & i never wish a parent has to see their child in that condition we will never be able to get out of our heads ever. but her recovery for the next 8 days went perfect. she was out of icu by monday, again surgery was friday morning. that we were told was absolutely amazing; all of the tubes came out fast (which is what they want), she was down off the oxygen pretty quickly, weaned down off her medicines, and was beginning to eat up a storm.

my beloved* & i went into the whole labor/delivery b!tching about the fact we may have been stuck in the hospital, on a regular recovery of labor stay, over thanksgiving we never imagined staying in one hospital for one night then another for another 11 days. this was by far the hardest, scariest, most miserable situation either one of us have ever have had to go thru & i personally feel that if i had to do it alone or with alone else i wouldn't have come out as i had (somewhat okay). it was the longest 12 days of my life. every night worrying if your child would be okay overnight while you tried to sleep, will this surgery go well, was it something i did that made this happen to her, the amount of questions/thoughts that go thru a womans' head after your typical delivery can sometimes be off but with all of this i swear at some points i thought i was having the worst dream ever & if not i was going to lose my sh!t.

but olivia came out of it on top, my beloved* & i did as well.

it was amazing to see how strong she is, all the kids we came in contact with are & the things they can recover from at such a small size/age.

thinking about the way everything was played out during this whole situation; the winchester hospital did a phenomenal job having the right people in line, the Children's did a, phenomenal doesn't seem like a justifiable word for it but, phenomenal job during her stay & all of the staff we came in contact with everywhere was amazing. i also feel the fact that i had been so determined to do the Children's Hospital walk the past five years despite being pregnant, the "family issues" that had arisen & stopped my walking buddies not go so i walked alone, supporting & raising money for the hospital was what i was meant to do. and i will continue to do until i can no longer walk & hope for more support this year. i will not only walk for hanah's hopefuls (my original reason to walk) but i will now walk for our olivia rose*