prince charming

so i was just pondering to myself, why do the girls nowadays myself included feel we should just be swept off our feet by our prince charming? seriously. we all read the same books growing up & of course the only part we focus on is when the prince finally comes & saves the princess & they live happily ever after. so we all want that. we want this amazingly perfect man in every way to just walk into our lives & sweep us off our feet. but why? hello. those girls went thru hell before their prince finally arrived. i mean one of them were drugged, another dealt with an awful step-mother & step-sisters after losing her father & never having her own mother, and one was locked in a castle. did we forget those portions of the story? now that i have my own little girl i wonder & dissect the strangest things. like, why do we as women expect some guy to come & save us? why can't we save ourselves? being 25 yrs old now i realize there is no perfect man. there are some pretty amazingly awesome guys that fit perfect with who we are but a perfect guy? ha. that's like a guy expecting to find the perfect woman, i don't know about you but i am no stepford wife. i am a strong tough chick & i can handle a good amount of crap you throw at me, but to do it alone would be a lot harder, so why is it that some of us expect a man to be their answer. why is it that as little girls the end of each story have such a strong impact on us, that we remember the happy ending more than what happened during the story? hhm. i wonder. is it that it only begins with the stories? that throughout our lives we are told 'there is a soul-mate for everyone. there is a perfect guy out there for you, don't settle. maybe it's not him, he's out there.' what is it that we are aiming for? are we seriously waiting for a tall, dark, handsome prince to stroll up on a beautiful white horse whisk us on the back of the horse & ride off into the sunset happy as clams? or should our elders teach us, no one is perfect & when you meet that guy that fits with you & your life you'll know it. things will get tough, you'll fight & argue, you'll struggle as a couple & a person, but if he is the one that at the end of the day you can not live without, really live without can not see your life any better without him then fight for him. where are those stories? can someone please write a more realistic story about love & life. i mean no one comes without baggage anymore, we all have it. whether it's ex's, babies, debt, crazy families, emotional issues, whatever it may be make it realistic. put real struggles in there & if it need be then sorry princess you won't end up with the man you first thought you would.
i wanted a girl so bad during my entire pregnancy and now that i have her i am terrified. we all go through heart-break, it's inevitable. but being a girl the heart-break i feel is tougher. we read these stories, watch these movies/shows that makes us feel that our prince charming can be behind any door & he will rescue us from our daily lives. so unrealistic. i just want her to know that she is loved, that one day a boy will break your heart & you will get over it, then a great man will come along & he will save you. but not from your life you have but he will take the life you love & make it that much better. oh the anxiety of what is to come with my lil lady. thank goodness she has such a great dad in her life to let her know what to expect, to know that this is what a good man looks, sounds & acts like to know that she should never settle for less. maybe that is what helps us as little girls to be more realistic about this whole dilemma. who knows. but seriously, someone please write a more realistic book for girls to read about love & life. that would be much appreciated & i would be the first one to buy it, promise.

the walk!

so the walk went fantastically. we had a lot of people show up to walk with us as a team & apparently the hospital had more people show up than expected, so many more that they ran out of medals. (they give medals out at the end of the walk for the fact that you finished) well it was really tough, this year we had three kids (ages 5-10) and two babies (6 & 10 months) the babies were easy. stick them in their carriages & push them. the kids on the other hand, ha. they are a handful. they were amazing with the actual walking part, haileigh had a spill & ham'd it up for a bit but that is what kids do. but they were in & out of the wagon we brought, once they started going into the wagon they refused to actually walk we had to put our feet down once in a while & tell them that this is a walk guys you should try & walk a bit. but there are a number pictures that were taken i only have a select few on my camera phone, there will be more to come but here the few favorites that i had.




the kids. fantastic. haileigh, snugglebutt & morgs


my little family (missing snugglebutt, this was at the finish line with games, food, etc he refused to stand still)


olivia & papa mcg. she loves him.

the cycle of anxiety

okay. so the anxiety is building up. i know it's all about the walk coming up on sunday, i have been so excited for this event. this is my sixth year, it's to help raise money to such a wonderful hospital, & it's to show off some of the amazing work that this hospital & staff can do (my lil olivia rose*) but it is also building so much anxiety. every year up to this year the sole reason i would walk was for the memory of my late cousin hanah rose* this year i have taken away from walking for her team "hanah's hopefuls" and started my own team, "olivia's biscuits" i know it's for the same cause at the end, the hospital, but the thought of taking away from hanah's memory is killing me inside. everyone around me agrees it isn't & they know how much i love(d) hanah rose. and just because i am now supporting the fact this hospital was able to save my olivia's life is nothing to feel bad about, but i can't shake this feeling. hanah knows i love her dearly, i have thought of her more lately than i have since she passed. this year hanah is the mile maker 3, which means they are honoring hanah's life with donating the third mile to her. there will be a poster with her picture & story on it for everyone to remember her, which will probably get me all choked up. i couldn't imagine how it;'s going to make her parents & siblings feel. i even saw her mother, my aunt, recently and spoke with her. something i didn't think would happen for years to come. hanah would probably be more upset with that than my team.
mentioning my aunt brings in the another factor. my family has always had serious drama but the kids (myself, brothers & cousins) were never involved in or even knew anything of. until hanah's parents got married & the spiral effect began. portions of the drama came out to the open to everyone slowly but right around hanah's passing it was all out there. lines were drawn, words were said that could never be taken back, all of the kids were affected, and began the whole "people we don't speak of" sad i know. my olivia rose* will never know her great-grandparents because of this; even some of her cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. it kills me. but what worries me more is since my papa's passing in march we have seen each other some of us tried to reconcile the past, others stayed the same stubborn asses they always were, and others, like myself, are stuck in an awkward spot. my aunt, hanah's mother, was my favorite aunt i had. she was so close to my age, fun, let me hang out with her, and into all the same stuff i wanted to be into. she was more like a sister for a long time than an aunt to me. for her to lose hanah in the same building were i had the scariest twelve days of my life with my baby & not having her with me thru phone, email, text, nothing seriously bothers me. of course the support team we had were amazing. i would never take that away from them. our family & friends seriously showed their true colors & mean even more to me now than they did before november twenty-fourth. but for the one person in the world who actually knew how we felt, how horribly incapable of taking care of your first child when they are born or help them in any way, lost, sleep-deprived, i honestly can't even grasp the words to give you a good perspective of how we felt but she knew! of course, the lines were already drawn & sides were taken but in a time of crisis i feel that is the time to pull together. no i didn't make the phone call to her, but i didn't make any phone calls to anyone. honestly. i gave my phone to my parents & had them take it out of the hospital. but cousins knew what happened & people talk, especially in my family & i knew she knew. she said she knew when i saw her at my papa's funeral. i just can't get past this. since the funeral she has made a number of attempts to contact me & rekindle our relationship, but i can't. i do hold grudges, and i am highly resentful. but i feel this is completely okay for the situation i am in. well! all of these people, "the people we don't speak of" will be at this walk supporting hanah's hopefuls. i am dreading it worse than i did with child birth, a root canal, anything! i know my grandparents won't acknowledge me, i accept that. but my aunt wants back in my life, she wants in olivia's life & wants her two children she has now to be in olivia's life. i should love this, right? i don't for some reason. i didn't even know my aunt had a third child, connor, NO IDEA. technically nothing was ever done to me by anyone but my grandfather, i was just a kid in the cross-fire & lost most of my family. i just don't want olivia going thru any un-needed, unnecessary drama. i never ever want her to ask me, "but where did aunti go, where's papa?" i will die inside.
maybe my stubborn-ness is getting the best of me here, maybe it isn't. but sunday is approaching fast, and i am going to have to deal with this & i am terrified. i do have an amazing team behind me, most of which know my issues with facing these people. my beloved* and snugglebutt will be there along with my parents, the only one of my mom's three sisters we have in our lives with her son & his friends, my brother & some of his friends,my dear friend julie & her daughter, my beloveds* cousin & her daughter, their cousin & my beloveds* father (i love him to death!) so i know i will be supported and have them all right by my side but the thought of seeing them, potentially having to play fake bullsh!t with them is turning my insides. sigh. i do feel a little better after this rant but the anxiety is eating me up and LoL the fact i am so anxious & can't shake it off is really getting on my nerves. i'll just take the advice of my beloveds* mother, she always has great advice, focus on the positive the miracle that is our olivia rose*, her bella and enjoy our families. it's going to be a beautiful day & after the great walk we are going to mosey on over to her house for some fantastic bbq & the rest of the family.

5 days & counting

so. a lot is going on yet not so much at the same time. we had a pretty exciting past two weekends; ufc fight night with friends, cook out with friends, celtics playoff game with friends, park time with the kids, & snuggle time for me & my beloved*. we also did what i like to call "beginning of summer time" scrub down of the house. now we are battling a cold with miss olivia rose*, trying to get snugglebutt to decide what he would like on his shirt that isn't a zombie, someone killing someone, or that general idea LoL and my beloved* also needs to figure out what he would like on his shirt & then the shirts are done for the walk. we planned a big bbq for last weekend to help raise money for the NSTAR'S WALK FOR CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL but due to the weather people not forecasting the weather correctly we cancelled the bbq on a beautiful day & had just a few friends over to relax & enjoy the kids night off. but i am 95% done with the team shirts for the walk, olivia even has her own special shirt which i am pretty excited & got emotional about. LoL first time moms & our emotions jeesh. but this week/weekend is just prep & organization for the walk. i am hoping to have some of the walkers over saturday night to have a pasta dinner night so we all eat some wicked yummy & good food for fuel for us. we have about 6 kids coming, lots of friends & family. i am so pumped for this year. we'll get our own team photo to go up in the hospital's news letter! then after the walk we will be going back to olivia & snugglebutt's papa mcg's house for some of his most fantastic bbq & family. the walk once in a while falls on the bunker hill parade day where my beloved* grew up so we lost a lot of walkers due to that, but all is well. we will be meeting up with them after, hanging for a short amount of time. we have to get up pretty early to get everyone up here (we are north of boston) ready & head down to get there in time to register & enjoy some of the fun activities they have going on. i am a little bummed the celtics players or cheerleaders are usually there but there will be a playoff game that day so they'll all be busy. i was hoping snugglebutt & his cousins could see them but maybe next year.
but that is all that is going on here. busy, busy bees over here. hope everyone else is enjoying their weeks. the weather here in boston has cooled off a bit so it is pretty enjoyable out. happy tuesday*

memorial day wknd

okay. so i am determined to start blogging more frequently, i swear! a lot has happened in the last week or so. let's start with last thursday (before then not much went on; play-date for me, olivia, aunti julie & baby bella*, that's at least a once a week thing), but on thursday i was baby-sitting little miss rileigh marie* down in boston (we're a lil north of boston) so i called up my beloveds* cousin/baby sister bailee and her son owen (he's 10 months) and we all went to the park. bailee lives in the town where my beloved* grew up & where olivias* godfather lives. this poor man works two jobs, tries so hard to get a chance to come up or hook up with us when we are down but it's failed so many times that i finally was just like that's it olivia is meeting her godfather today! and she did, and she loved him! he came to the park & met us. olivia instantly fell in love with him; went right into his arms, had no issues hanging with him even if i walked away to check on rileigh*, played, talked up a storm to him. i was thrilled. and then on saturday he came up for the ufc fight night with a few other friends of my beloveds* and saw both snugglebutt & olivia* i was so happy! olivia isn't a shy baby but for her to be so friendly & even chatting with a new face is a big deal so i was just a happy pig in mud by this. and snugglebutt of course loves him to death because he is a guy who loves kids & is great with them, altho he did start a nasty rumor that daddy has a money tree LoL which i wish was true.
but here is where things get funny! saturday night we had about 7 big guys, two ladies, and 4 kids in the living room! ha. we don't have a small place but it's not equipped to have kitchen chairs, a recliner, rocking chair, sofa, kids on the floor & a game chair all over the living room so i went to step over a chair when my sandal got caught on the leg & boom! right on my butt. my cousin stated "dude it looked like you slipped on ice & your legs went over your head & you went doOoWN!" LoL fantastic. it knocked the wind out of me & of course i was a wee bit embarrassed but i got over that quickly. i of course tried to drink the pain away which only worsened the blow in the morning. haha. woke up to three kids, a hungover daddy, and a mess in the house. haha. luckily/unluckily snugglebutt didn't have soccer & his mom was around so we were able to drop him off with her & go to the er. because my butt & back were insanely sore & hurting. after two hours of trying to sit in those horribly uncomfortable seats, or trying to pace around the hallways. we got a verdict of a badly bruised tailbone & upset sciatic nerve. got some marvelous pain killers & anti-inflammatory meds which knocked me out & have helped a ton.
then this morning olivia had her six month check up; she looks amazing the doctor said, sounds great, great weight gain, she is on the taller side for her age (i'm hoping she'll be like her aunti jyll; long legs, skinny & gorgeous), she of course got some shots which she did pretty well with but knocked her out for most of the day which was great due to my butt killing me & my meds knocking me out.
well that was our weekend, pretty busy & now i must begin the preparing for next weekends festivities tomorrow. luckily my OCD & beloved* helped do the "beginning of summer cleaning" yes i do it for every season. i love to clean & when i get the motivation i just go with it. now having a child i am insanely worse with it. i sweep at least once a day, scrub cabinets, floors, the fridge! i am bad. but no one complains when the house is nice & clean :)
well that was our weekend. hope everyone had an enjoyable memorial day weekend too. here's to a fantastic summer. ours is starting off great, let's hope it stays that way.
OH! and wish me luck tomorrow night, i bought a powerball ticket, it's up to $260 million. would be a nice little check to have.