a month later

so i hadn't realized it's been over a month since my last blog, woah. well since the last blog what has happened? lol a whole lot. Olivia had her visit with her cardiologist since she left children's; he was so impressed, said she seemed like a brand new healthy gorgeous baby girl, clean bill of health & received her RSV shot to help her with not getting too sick. olivia also got her first cold which was worse on me than her, she also got mommy & daddy sick which again was worse on us than on her, lol. kids man i preached it forever they harbor germs and i got to feel that first hand still looking for the culprit that got my peanut sick & i will find them LoL. olivia is now laughing, screaming up a storm, making amazing faces at us, loves to stare at her daddy, had her first meeting with the easter bunny & is being spoiled everyday by family & friends.
aidan is doing wonderful; still his hyper all over the place self, loving his toys & games, being silly & still a little hesitant to play with his sister but we give him no pressure due to the ordeal we all went through but one day i will get him to snuggle her up & have a feeling he'll just be another one i'll have to fight to get my peanut back. LoL
in bad news my family has lost our dearly papa who was the backbone to our family. it was the best thing for him, he was so sick & tired & just ready to go. one thing that stands out to me that happened in his last few weeks he wanted to see olivia & when i walked her over to him he said to me & my brother "the baby is here, the baby is okay i can go now" crushing & beautiful at the same time. that man was the love of my life, the one thing i always wanted in my entire life; not money, fancy things, but a picture dancing with him in a wedding dress. LoL for me i never thought that day would come just because i wasn't for the whole marriage thing but now it won't due to he has passed. i have been battling in my head whether that is super selfish of me to think that way but every woman in my family has had it & i get to be the first that goes without, but again i was never for marriage so i should have been ready to never get it right? sigh. i also tried to do a reading for him at his funeral & i personally tend to joke & horse-around when extremely nervous & that is how i was leading up to the funeral. even at the wake i was okay, where i thought i would be worse. but the morning of the funeral, during the funeral i lost it. when my name was announced i couldn't even stand. i was so embarrassed & upset with myself that i couldn't even attempt to do it. my aunt (his daughter) who was crushed by his passing said she was honored that i even agreed to it & knew i wouldn't be able to get through the whole reading but that my papa knew how i felt & knew i did my best & couldn't be prouder. of course there is always family drama everywhere we go & his services were just the same. although a lot of amends were made & things seem to be looking up in the family situation which he would be thrilled of, he was again the backbone of the family & no matter what drama we thought would go down at an event he would be there front row making the most noise & being the proudest. he will be dearly missed everyday of the rest of my life. but i am lucky enough to have my beloved & olivia meet him before he passed & he loved them both. i am even thinking about calling olivia 'livi' because he called her that.
my beloved is doing well. he has been stressed lately due to normal things but other than that things are just swimming. i unfortunately didn't go back to work. yes i know i need the adult interaction & the escape from being trapped in the house all day with peanut but the amount of stress, anxiety & anguish i endured working there it wasn't worth it. i due plan on finding something closer to home, part-time & enjoyable for work & have come across a few good looking prospects.
so all in all things are going pretty well. wish certain things were a little different but things happen for a reason & we will always come out stronger. happy tuesday.