2.06.2010

anxiety.

so lately i apparently have been having some anxiety issues. i was having dreams that people (no idea who) would come & take my olivia rose* away from me. at first i figured it was due to all the chaos with olivia's birth but lately it has been every night. i wake up in a compleely covered in sweat, fear, shock & i have to immediately just look at my peanut. has this ever happened to any other new mother? i am coming up to the end of my maternity ward & having to go back to work has really been taking a toll on me. i want to but i don't, it's a double-edged sword. getting out of the house & being "an adult" again but missing precious time with my little girl. what if i miss her first steps, her first word? it'll be crushing. ugh. so much going on in this crazii little head of mine. my beloved* tells me that once i start the wheels in my head it's a spiral downhill slope. i start thinking of whatever began the wheels turning then it turns into other crazii off the wall nonsense. it's so weird LoL but i am just hoping this anxiety is normal, going back to work & leaving my first born is a big deal right? this happens to other women, or dads if they do the staying at home bit with baby. i guess i am just looking for feedback; other women to tell me this happened to them, that it will subside once i get into my "new routine" of work & such. okay. that is all for the day. busy day ahead of me; food shopping, cleaning, miss olivia rose* is hanging with her nana & papa while i actually get a night out with some ladies i haven't seen in forever & then superbowl sunday* happy weekend everyone.

2 comments:

Miss Kolleen said...

its totally normal; everyone goes through it, but trust me, you need the adult interaction. and really, first steps, first word-- they are big deals, yes, but if you miss them you miss them, and chances are you won't, because she's probably only going to want to walk to you, and she's probably only going to want to talk to you or jimbo.

when aidan was a baby i wanted to be with him forever. now i love being in school and working. it's the only way to stay SANE. and yes, i had the worst anxiety in the world about him, but you have to trust that the world will take care of your child. so far so good on this end!

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